Letter Fifteen

August 18th, 2007 

Cassandra,

I’m so frustrated and so exhausted. Noel is 8 months old and her feeding issues have only been getting worse. It’s been such an emotionally and physically demanding job. I have to pump every three hours, in order to give Noel breast milk into her tube feeding. After I do that I get Noel’s tube feeding ready which includes fortifying my breast milk with extra formula so that she’s getting more calories than just breast milk alone.

By the time I get her tube feeding hooked up and going it’s already been an hour long process. The food takes about an hour to get done. Then, not even 15 minutes later Noel throws up half, if not all of the food I just gave her! After cleaning it up I basically start the whole process over. It’s exhausting and all consuming.  I’ve tried everything I could think and everything the doctors have told me to help her not throw up. But nothing works!

The doctors have told me I lay her down after she eats, that doesn’t work. Then they say sit her up at a 45 degree angle, that doesn’t work. Last time they told me to trying feeding her when she’s sitting up, even that didn’t work. No matter what I do she ends up throwing up everywhere. 

It’s so challenging and frustrating. I can’t even take her to the store let alone to someone’s house because I don’t want to have to clean up the mess in public. I feel stuck and trapped in my house. No matter what I tell the doctors they don’t have any other options for me. I am so discouraged right now. And I just don’t know what else to do. We are suppose to see a specialist next week so maybe they will have the answers?? I sure hope so because this is so difficult. Thanks for letting me vent. 

Tina