Letter Eighteen

January 14th, 2008

Carol, 

The scariest thing just happened. It was 4 in the afternoon and I feel asleep for like 30 minutes I was in the deepest sleep ever because I don’t think I’ve slept in 3 days. It’s so hard to sleep in a hospital. People are in and out of the room every couple of hours. Not to mention the insistent alarms of Noel’s. She has a pulse ox that measures her oxygen level, and monitors for her heart rate and breathing. They never actually pick up correctly so there always going off. 

Well in this sleep I felt like I was out of my body or something, it’s probably from complete exhaustion. But then what brought me back was the alarm going off nonstop. It took me a second to actually come to and when I did it said Noel’s Oxygen was 62. I jumped up and ran over to her half thinking that the monitor fell off. When I got to her she was blue. The monitor was working, but Noel’s lungs weren’t. I yelled out the door to have a nurse come quick. 

That’s when the whirlwind began and didn’t end until 3 AM. In minutes there were at least 15 people in Noel’s small little Hospital room. Nurses were trying to place IV’s and trying to draw labs. Respiratory therapists were in the room discussing what would be best for her. They fit her for a bi-pap, a mask that goes over her nose in order to push air into her lungs. Shortly a ventilator showed up in her room. Pulmonologist came in to consult. Seriously I saw more people in about 15 minutes than I had all day. I was so worried and scared as more people showed up and more equipment showed up.  

Then the decision was made to transfer Noel to the Pediatric Intensive Care unit at about 9:00PM. She had been on the bi-pap for several hours but she was not improving, she was actually getting worse. All of blood work was showing that she was building up more CO2 and working harder to breath. 

I was so panicked as I quickly packed all my stuff preparing to head down to ICU. Noel has never been in ICU so I had no idea what to expect. When we got downstairs to the ICU it was like we were in another hospital. The rooms were twice as big and full of windows. Clear glass sliding doors replaced the regular privacy doors on the main floor. Every patient in the ICU has only one nurse and they sit right outside of their room in order to keep a close monitor on the patient. I felt like I entered a whole new world. 

Everything felt more serious and intense down here. I could tell from my surrounding that Noel must not being doing good to have been transferred down here. I feel so unsure and uncertain right now. This is all new to me. And poor Noel, she is working so hard to breath. Her poor little body is so fatigued and so worn out. I’m sitting on the little bench in her room as I write this. I still can’t sleep and now it’s because I’m full on adrenal and uncertainty. I don’t know what’s coming next. 

Tina