Letter Twelve

April 16th, 2007

Susan, 

Thank you for finally listening to me. I have been telling everyone in the Emergency Department that they can’t send Noel home. She is not ok and  needs help. I need help too. I’ve been trying to do this alone and I just can’t anymore. You are the first person who actually listened to me.

If it weren’t for you I would be sitting at home in a ball of tears instead of in this hospital room with one of the pediatric nutritionist. This journey of Noel trying to gain weight has been exhausting. I am still trying to feed every 3 hours, then pumping and trying a bottle of formula all to no avail. The only reason I’m even in town is because I came home to see my family. 

The first two days Noel was doing great, but the last two days she’s been so lethargic and tired. She has even less muscle tone than normal. I brought her here to Children’s knowing you guys would know how to help her. But when they were about to tell me she was just dehydrated and she could go home and be ok, that’s when I about lost it. 

She is not ok! She hasn’t been ok since the day she was born. Of course I’ve been trying to pretend that everything is going to be ok with her and we’ve all just been overreacting. But now I’ve come to the realization that something is really wrong and she needs help! 

I know nothing more about whats wrong with her than when I took her home from the NICU months ago.  Thank the Lord the ER nurse went and found you after my emotional plea about how I couldn’t try feeding her anymore on my own and that I needed help. 

I guess that’s your job though as the Charge Nurse to handle the situations that are out of control. Well things would have been even more out of control if I would have had to leave today with Noel and go home to continue to do this alone.

 I know the nurses mean well, but sometimes it’s hard to not feel like they are just trying to get through their patients and not truly listening to the parents. 

Help is what I came for and now I’m hopeful that that is what I’m going to get. 

Tina