Letter Eleven

April 13th, 2007

Patricia, 

I wanted to write you a letter of appreciation. You probably don’t even realize it but you have really made an impact on me. Thank you for not making me feel like a bad mom. Noel’s weight is down again this week and yesterday when I called her weight into the Pediatrician’s Office the nurse made me feel horrible: “She weighed what? That’s only point seven of an ounce more than last week, are you sure you’re feeding her every three hours?” 

Well actually I am doing exactly what the doctor told me. I am nursing her every 2-3 hours, pumping and giving her a bottle of breast milk with extra formula after. 

I feel so emotionally and physically drained. I feel like my life revolves around feeding Noel or thinking about feeding her. I am obsessed with the scale and weigh her all the time. I already knew that her weight gain was only point seven of an ounce before the nurse told me. I’ve been stressed about it all day. 

Thank you for just listening to me. I feel like everyone is telling me what I need to be doing but no one is actually listing to me. I didn’t tell the nurse on the phone this, but I think the Doctor took her feeding tube out to early? I know he thought it was the right thing to do and that she was going to gain weight on her own but now I’m worried. I have tried everything I could think of to help Noel gain weight and it’s just not happening. 

Patrica I’m doing the best I can. I feel like it’s my fault she’s not gaining weight so I don’t need a rude nurse making me feel worse about it.  I’m going to take her back to the doctor after my trip to my parents. Maybe the doctor will have something else to try. 

I appreciate the fact that you see me every other week to check Noel’s weight and you know I’m doing everything the doctor is telling me to do. You know how hard I’m trying. Thank you for being at least one person who is encouraging me. 

Thanks,

Tina