Letter Eight

December 4th, 2006

Dear Jana,

I wanted to write you and tell you thank you so much for letting us stay last night. I knew the first night out of the hospital would be tough, but I had no idea it would be that bad. The pressure of taking care of Noel without doctors and nurses is terrifying.

Also I can’t believe they make a laying down car seat! Have you ever heard of that? I guess it’s a life saver though because we wouldn’t have been able to leave the hospital without it. Noel couldn’t maintain her oxygen level sitting up right in a normal car seat.

Last night was the first time I had to make her tube feeding alone, the doctors said they think she’ll get the nose feeding tube out soon which is good because I don’t want to have to do this forever. Even though she’s on a feeding tube I’m still trying to nurse. And what she can’t eat I pump and put it in her tube. I want to do the very best I can for her and the doctors said that will help.

Between the feeding pump and the oxygen I’m always worried I’m going to pull a tube out of her. Thank goodness I could monitor her oxygen though; otherwise I think I might have had an anxiety attack. I’m so glad Noel did amazing and slept great. For the amount of sleep I got, I slept great too.

The clean comfy bed felt divine in comparison to the small hospital chair I’ve been sleeping in. I can’t believe Noel was flight for life-ed here two weeks ago. I’m so glad that pilot let me get on that airplane with Noel, I don’t know what I would have done if I had to drive four hours through the mountains to Denver while she was in an airplane. I still remember getting off the plane, walking into the hospital and around the corner to the waiting room. I was enveloped with love and the familiar faces of my family. The hug you gave me was the best ever.

Also thank you for letting us stay here last week, it was my first time out of a hospital in eight days. I couldn’t wait to take a shower when we go to your house. So thanks for letting me borrow shampoo and p.j’s. I still can’t believe the nerve of someone to steal bags out of the back of a pickup truck parked in the Children’s Hospital parking garage. Some people.

Jana your kindness in hosting Thanksgiving at your house so we could all be together and so that I could take a little break out of the hospital meant so much to me. I don’t know if I even said thank you because being away from Noel made me feel in a daze. But thank you. Seriously, the love of the Lord and the love of family has been getting me through this. I appreciate all that you and Seth have done for us.

Going home without knowing what was going on with Noel other than she has low muscle tone is hard but I know that God is in control and He has bigger plans than I can’t even understand. Thanks sister, it’s meant so much to me. Now I just need to figure out how I’m going to do all of this. I never thought that this would be the picture of bringing my baby home. 

Love, 

Tina