Kids Street

So Noel is scheduled to start Kids Street (a special needs day care) in a few days, up till now I have been really excited. I’ve been thinking of all the great things she’ll be able to do, she will get to socialize, get therapy and have experiences that don’t just include me. Well last night I could barely sleep because I was overcome with such a feeling of worry. What if she gets sick, what if the nurses don’t suction her and she plugs off, what if she is crying and she get’s ignored because no one can hear her? I suppose that some of the worry is the same any mother would feel, but for me it’s hard to let someone else be responsible for Noel. Since the day she was born I have been her primary care giver, sure there have been times when I left her with people I really trusted, but that’s only been four people in her whole life (thanks Alissa and Heather!). I hope these are just jitters and not my motherly intuition telling me that this isn’t where she should go. I was thinking we just have to take it one step at time, if it doesn’t work for us we can always try something else.

It's amazing the feeling that comes with being understood. We had a picnic on Sunday with some amazing families who's children also have trachs. I felt so normal for those three hours, I didn't have to explain anything to anyone I was just understood. All the kids had lunch together, tubes and formula was on the menu. I was even able to share my homemade formula recipe with the other moms, something that is usually useless in any other conversation. This was my first experience of a support group and now I understand why they are so important:
1. Sometimes it seems like not even doctors, the ones who are suppose to know everything, don't truly understand what you go through or what you're trying to tell them, but when you get around other people who live what you live day in and day out they can't help but understand you.
2. I think it helps to ground all of us and help us reflect on the journey we walk everyday. I looked around at all the other families there with so much respect and I feel honored to be a part of such a unique group of people. I also feel so blessed to be able to meet all these incredible children, they truly are special and you can't help but notice when you get to be around their sweet spirits!