Friends

I felt the need to write a post about how much friends mean to me. I want each of you to know what a treasure you are to me in my life. I cannot do this alone. I can’t get through the things I have to face alone. I know sometimes it may seem like I’ve got it all together and maybe you don’t know what to do for me. Just please know I don’t have it all together. There are days that I feel lonely and sad, days that I feel isolated by the fact that I have a daughter with so many needs. Some days I miss out on life cause it’s easier to stay home alone than to accomplish the task of taking Noel somewhere. It’s really hard to take Noel places; hard but not impossible. But there are times when I choose to stay home because I just can’t do it. There are times I look at other families and wonder how much different life looks for them. I wonder what I would do if I could just jump in the car and run an errand with my 2 six year olds and seven year old. The groups we may be a part of, the extra activities we’d be a part of: Girls Scouts? Basketball? Soccer? The truth is even Lily and Landen miss out on things because of Noel’s extreme needs. It’s hard to commit to get your children to an activity when you don’t even know if you can get out of the house. It’s a daily task just to get Noel out of bed. I’m sharing all of this to say, I need help. I need friends. I need people who don’t know what to do for me. I don’t even know what I need all the time, but I know I need you. I need encouragement, laughter and most of all friendship. I know how it feels when you think, “oh she must have so much support, she doesn’t need me.” I know because I have a dear friend who has thousands of people following her story, sometimes I feel like what do I have to say or do that everyone else hasn’t already done. But then I realize she does still need me and my friendship and encouragement. God brought me into her life for a reason and even though I may not understand all that she is going through and may not have any magic words, she still needs me. So yes I need you. I’ll need friends and help through this upcoming surgery and beyond. As my belly starts to grow too big to pick up Noel on my own… I will need you. When I’m tired and overcome with emotion through Noel’s surgery… I will need you. As I try to raise a new born while still taking care of all Noel’s needs… I will need you. Please don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong or haven’t been there for me. This is more of me letting you in and giving you permission to be there for me. I don’t think anyone has done anything wrong. I just felt the need to express my heart to you, to let you know that this isn’t easy, I don’t have it all together and… I do need you.

-Tina